Lord Bates
by cherry88
Summary: John Bates is Lord of Downton Abbey. He isn't very happy, until a young maid opens his heart.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi all, welcome to my new story. **

**The last months I did some writing, but I wasn't happy about it. But, a few weeks ago I suddenly felt inspired when I sat in the sun on my balcony. In one day I wrote a little story, which you will find here.**

**It consists of 7 short chapters, about 1000 words each. My editor _Lalizi _gave me some good feedback and I hope you'll enjoy it. It is all in Johns POV.**

**John is no servant in this story. I really like the idea of him being Lord of Downton. I still hope some of the great writers here, will use this idea too.**

**I will post every other day, for two weeks. Let me know what you think!**

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1.

John Bates stared out of the window. He looked over his estate. Low hills where characteristic in this neighborhood and he had seen them all his life. Somehow, he couldn't enjoy the sight anymore.

He grabbed the bottle with alcohol from the windowsill and topped up his glass again. He poured the liquid to his throat and closed his eyes while he did this. He knew drinking didn't help. Most of the time, it only made him feel worse. It made the loneliness almost unbearable.

His parents had passed away a few years back. His wife Vera had died last year. He wondered what the point of living was from now on. He and Vera never had children. She never liked kids, and after a few times, she didn't like sleeping with him any more. He couldn't remember when had been their last time. Without an heir, the estate would be sold after his death. He was happy he would never see this himself, but the thought of this made him nauseous.

John looked around the room that once belonged to his wife. Her books were still stacked in neat rows on the bookcase. Her chaise lounge remained untouched. He couldn't imagine her sitting there and reading. She didn't have the patience to read for more than five minutes. All her expensive finery, like vases and sculptures, still remained in their spots. Some were covered with white sheets, sparing them from the dust. Yes, she did like spending money.

He didn't come here very often. Most of the time, the room was kept locked. There were so many rooms without purpose now. He didn't need much space for himself.

Without him noticing, the door to the room opened and a young housemaid entered, softly humming a song. She hadn't seen him standing near the window either. When he finally turned around to look from where the sound was, he just stared at her for a while. The blond maid was dusting the bookshelves, but was also looking at the books spines as though she were looking for a certain title.

He never thought about it, but of course this room had to be cleaned once in a while. Normally, maids wouldn't be in the room when he was around. They were supposed to be invisible to him, but John Bates didn't mind her presence this time. He was mesmerized by the movements of her hands; dusting, cleaning… but so gentle. She didn't move a thing. He had never watched anyone clean. It wasn't his job to do so. Only Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes kept an eye on the staff.

He remembered hiring the girl a few years back and coming across her a few times in the hallways. Staff always stepped back and let him pass without saying a word. Sometimes only a soft " 'morning," or " 'evening," was mentioned between him and the others.

The girl seemed in a good mood and it made him jealous. It also made him forget his own troubles for a moment.

"What are you looking for?" he kindly asked out loud without thinking.

He could see the girl was shocked by his presence. She looked at him shortly, before turning her gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry My Lord. You made me jump. Had I known you'd be in here, I wouldn't have entered. Excuse me." She started gathering her stuff to leave the room, when John asked his question again.

"It seemed like you were looking for something. Why don't you tell me, maybe I can help you?"

"Don't trouble yourself your Lordship. I was just wondering if I could find a certain book in here - One that isn't in the big library downstairs." Her cheeks flushed a little pink.

"Ah, so you are the maid who borrows a book once in a while. I like that some take time to read in their free time. I know you must be busy all day and tired after your long hours of work."

The maid only nodded and gave him a smile.

"Anna is you name, isn't it?"

"It is, My Lord," she said smiling, more confident now, feeling better knowing he remembered her name.

"So, which book were you looking for?" he tried again, now that he finally got her into a conversation.

"I was looking for Jane Eyre, sir. It's a romantic novel I've heard a lot of, but I've never had the chance to read it myself. I thought your wife might have found it an interesting choice for her collection, so I took the opportunity to search for it."

John Bates stepped closer to the bookcases, even though he had instantly known a book like that wasn't there.

"My late wife wasn't a romantic woman, so I don't think you will find it in here. I'm afraid I can't make you happy today," he said while walking back to the window. His face turned back into its sad expression.

"I'm sorry for being so bold, but… I can see you miss her," Anna told him.

"Well, _missing_ is not the right word. I didn't love her, really. She was a good distraction. We argued a lot, fought a lot. Even all my friends left me because of her. I don't know what to do now I can't be angry with her. It all seems so pointless. Don't you think?" he turned his head while asking her.

"I can't be the judge of that. Although running an estate doesn't seem pointless to me," Anna answered with honesty.

"What's to become of it, without an heir?" he answered, smirking at her, taking another sip of alcohol.

"There is still time…" Anna began,… but knew she went too far and didn't finish her sentence.

"Well," was all John could say, pouring another glass full of strong alcohol, his back to her.

Anna took that moment to curtsy and leave the room unnoticed, like she had when she came in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Time for chapter two! Thanks so much for all the kind reviews, it really surprised me how many of you took the time to read/follow/review *hugs***

**I'm very curious what you think of this!**

2.

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John had gone back to the room everyday for a week, but no one entered again. He didn't know anything about the cleaning schedule and he wasn't that interested. Somehow, he hoped to find that maid, Anna, again. Although they only had a short conversation, he had liked her presence. She had been honest and seemed smart. She had been polite too, but it had been nothing like the chats he had with Mr. Carson, his Butler, or Mrs. Hughes, the Housekeeper. It wasn't only a conversation about work. She seemed genuinely… interested. He hadn't spoken like that since Vera died. He almost hadn't spoken to anyone, really.

The day after their encounter, he had decided to take a walk into the village. He had been drawn to the local bookshop. There, he had found a copy of Jane Eyre, but it didn't look anything special. He talked to the shopkeeper and asked for a first print. The man had promised to make a few enquiries in London, the next week.

Now he had a small parcel in his hand, waiting for it's new owner, but she never came.

He didn't know what to do. He could place it in the bookcase for her to find one day, but he didn't like to think that this special book would sit in between the trashy novels his wife had collected. He wasn't sure she would find it, because he had told Anna it wasn't there.

After two weeks without seeing Anna, John decided it was time to take some action. In a nonchalant way, he asked Mrs. Hughes for the cleaning schedule of his late wife's sitting room.

"I just want to be sure I'm not disturbed while I'm there," he gave as an excuse, and Mrs. Hughes did not ask for more explaining. She was happy to inform him.

It was only a few days later when he entered the same room, while he knew Anna would be in there. She made herself ready to leave, when John started, "Please, remain where you are. Don't go running off. I have something for you."

She looked calm, and slightly surprised when he handed her the parcel.

"I don't understand, My Lord?"

"It's that book you were looking for. It's nothing special… I like to support my employees in their reading, " he told her. He started walking through the room, trying to act confident.

Anna opened the brown wrapping paper and sighed. Her soft white hands skimmed the books' cover. "It's beautiful,.. it's old," she said, and opened it to the first page.

"It's a first print?!" she gasped, and looked at John in astonishment.

"Yes, it is. I hope you will treasure it."

"But your Lordship, I can't take this. It's much too expensive. I wouldn't know were to keep it. I would be afraid to ruin it!" She tried to convince him, but remained calm in her tone of voice.

"Well, it is yours now, so that's up to you," he responded with a satisfactory smile.

"I do love it, but I can't take it to my room. The other maids will see it, and they are curious creatures. They will ask me how I got this into my possession. It's not something an ordinary housemaid owns and... I'm afraid…. someone will steal it."

She really looked quite upset when she mentioned the last part. John understood he shouldn't joke about her situation now.

"Why don't you keep it here? No one ever enters this room, except for you and me. You can come here after working hours or on your half day off,… if you like?"

He could see Anna liked the idea, but hesitated.

She spoke her mind then. "Mrs. Hughes told me you don't like to be disturbed while you're here. So I won't know when I can come…"

"I'm sorry. I needed an excuse to find out when you would come here to clean. I didn't tell her about the book. It might be best not to raise any questions. I hope you don't mind?"

"No, not at all My Lord. I'm very thankful and I can't wait to start reading." A smile spread across her face. "Thank you so much!" she added with all her heart and hugged the book to her bosom.

Then, Anna handed him the book and John placed it on the chaise lounge.

"Please feel free to sit here whenever you want, Anna," he smiled back at her, finding her eyes locked on his chest.

Only after a few silent seconds - that didn't feel uncomfortable at all - she turned to leave.

John remained in the room. Taken aback by his own sudden feelings, thoughts raced through his mind. He looked around the room to get some air, but couldn't stop picturing Anna in the chaise lounge with her new book. He thought about her blond hair, wrapped up in a bun, her black dress, without cap and apron, her feet up, her shoulders pressed against the back of the chair. Something stirred in his stomach. He only talked to her two times and only for a few minutes. He tried to stop his own mind from going even further, but the image of her eyes and the silkiness of her white skin haunted him for the next days.

Three evenings he checked the room, but found the book in the exact same place as he had left it. Somehow, he couldn't stand it, but he wanted to give her the time she needed. He imagined it wasn't easy to work all day and still have energy to read a book.

The fourth evening, he was luckier. The book had been moved. A bookmark was placed between the pages. He was glad she had started and left the room in peace that night. He didn't feel like visiting the next days. It was a busy time in the estate and he retired to bed early.

When he returned to the room once more, it was without thinking. It was past midnight and he wanted to stare out of the window, to see the ground in a moonlit glow. It was something he liked doing when there was a cloudless sky.

He knew immediately she was in the room. Candlelight flickered over the walls. She had put it on the little table next to the chair. It was not far from how he had imagined it. Only, she was fast asleep.

Without making a sound, he put another chair near her. He sat down and studied her for a few minutes. She looked very comfortable. One hand was draped over the book.

He was afraid she would wake up with a painful back if she stayed there all night, so he decided to wake her. Slowly, he lifted her hand and took the book from her lap. She started stirring.

"…Mr. Rochester…mmm…" she said in her dreams. John chuckled.

"Anna?" he said softly. He kneeled next to her and had to resist the urge to brush his fingers through her hair. He softly squeezed her hand.

"Anna, it's time to go to your room."

Slowly she opened her eyes, blinking against the light of the candle.

"Oh, Mr. Bates,…Sir…Sorry, I…." she stuttered. Again, he smiled at her sweetness while she sat up right.

"Don't apologize Anna. Now go up to your room and have a good night rest. You must be exhausted."

"I am your Lordship, but the book is so beautifully written. Tomorrow is my half day off, so I can take my rest then."

"I don't know about your plans, but take the book with you if you like," he suggested.

That idea made Anna smile. "I will, thank you."

He made to leave the room after that. "Goodnight Anna."

"Goodnight," he heard her say, when he closed the door. He waited for a second before walking to his room. John brushed his hand through his hair and sighed.

"_John, watch what you're doing here. Leave the girl alone."_ He said to himself.

But he couldn't. He couldn't sleep and thought only of her pretty eyes and kind voice. Even when he woke her, she had been sweet to him. The one time he had woken Vera in the morning, she had thrown a pillow at him and there had been nothing but cursing and yelling.

He didn't want his mind to go there so soon, but he pictured Anna next to him - in his bed, waking up. Yawning and moaning softly when he would kiss her awake to make love. He didn't think he would feel like this, ever.

The young housemaid had entered his heart and soul.

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**I'll post chapter 3 on monday!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to my editor _Lalizi_ for giving me some good feedback on this one; I made some changes after her review and I think it improved a lot because of it!**

**As promised, chapter:**

3.

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The next day John was writing at his desk when he looked out of the window. He knew he was keeping an eye out for her. The sun was shining brightly. He was wondering if she would go out for a walk today, as it was her half day.

He knew he wasn't able to concentrate while he thought of her. He was a lovesick fool. Did she know he liked her? He hoped he hadn't showed too much. She was still a housemaid and therefore, nothing would come of it. But he just couldn't leave her alone.

Just when he tried to go back to his work, he saw her. He almost hadn't noticed it was her. She walked on the gravel, to the gate of the estate. She carried a small basket and a blanket was draped over her arm. She wasn't wearing her usual clothes, no. Her black dress and apron had gone. Instead, he saw she was wearing a blue skirt and blue coat.

His eyes followed her movements until she was out of sight.

It only took him a few minutes to get up and get his own coat. It was a warm day, so it wasn't really necessary to wear much. One of the hall boys handed him his walking stick in silence.

He didn't walk fast. His injured leg slowed him down. He didn't know in which direction to go, so he just picked a narrow path into a little wood. He was lucky; they seemed of one mind. He found her on the edge of the wood, sitting against a tree, on her blanket, enjoying the sunshine on her face. Her blue jacket lay discarded and her white blouse reflected the bright sunlight. She looked like an angel to him.

"Hello My Lord," she said while he walked up to her.

He didn't even think of what to say before he stood before her.

"Hello Anna," he said cheery. "What a wonderful day to have your half day."

"It is!" she looked at him and smiled.

"Won't most of the staff use their half day to visit their family?" John asked out of the blue. He liked to find out more about her.

"Yes,… they do," she answered polite and turned to her basked to get herself a sandwich.

"Well, why don't you? I know a half day isn't long, but it must be nice,… to visit your…family," John swallowed. He didn't have any family left. It was hard to realize he didn't have anyone to visit himself.

She looked straight at him. He could see her think,… and hesitating. But then, he noticed her chin trembling slightly. She shifted her gaze to her sandwich.

"Well, lets say we are much alike on that. I'm afraid I have no family left. Except for some good friends, I'm quite alone on this planet too." she bit her lip to stop herself from crying. He could tell.

"I'm sorry Anna," John stepped closer to where she was sitting, "…and I'm sorry for not knowing this before. If I had known, I wouldn't have asked such a stupid question."

"It's all right My Lord, you couldn't have known."

"I feel like you know so much about me, and I know nothing about you. I don't know much about any of my servants," he apologized again. He knew it was a lame excuse.

"I'm sure most like it that way," she tried to smile.

"Yes, I'm sure," he laughed.

Anna seemed to relax again.

"But, it doesn't mean I'm not interested. I would love to know more about the family you're coming from, Anna," he said sincerely. Hoping for a new start of conversation.

"If you do, why don't you sit down and join me for a sandwich? Mrs. Patmore made more than enough."

He couldn't say no to such an offer and picked an empty spot on the blanket. He sat facing her, leaning on his elbows in the grass. Anna leaned against a tree, hiding her face in the shadow.

John found out her mother had died in childbirth. Her little baby brother had died only three days later, leaving her and her father devastated. He drank more then was good for him and decided to enter the army to better his life. He had been killed in the first days of the Boer war. Anna had stayed at a neighbor's house from when she was ten. Only a few years later, she had started working, making beds in a small hotel nearby and when she was sixteen, she had got a place at Downton. It had proven a big improvement in her status in life. She liked working hard so she wouldn't think about her past.

John told her about his experiences in the war. He still had troubles with his leg and dreams still haunted him.

Anna asked him questions no one ever dared to ask before. He never even told Vera about that part of his life. Talking to Anna he had no trouble telling his true feelings and fears. It was like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders.

They had eaten all that was inside the basket Anna had brought, and after the long and emotional conversation, Anna handed him the book.

"I think we talked about ourselves enough for today," she told him, "But would you care for a good story?"

He took the book without complaint and opened it were she had left her bookmark.

John started reading. He slowly got into the story and it's characters.

Birds were singing in the trees around them and butterflies chased each other about the field. John couldn't imagine anything better.

It was two or three chapters later, when he saw Anna had closed her eyes. The evening sun had covered her in a soft yellow and orange glow. He was sure it was later than they both thought.

John closed the book and put it back in Anna's little basket. He sat close next to her and watched her again. He wasn't sure if she was asleep, her eyelids moved every few seconds.

"You're so beautiful," John whispered almost too soft to notice, close to her ear.

"I know I shouldn't tell you this Anna. I know nothing can happen, but I just have to tell you how sweet, lovely and smart… and,… how stunning you are."

A small smile crept upon her lips, but he didn't see it. He had closed his eyes to take in her scent. Her hair smelt like a flowery soap. He tried to print it in his brain, to remember it later.

Anna blinked her eyes and looked straight at him. He was really close now. John saw she didn't look afraid, or surprised at all. He brushed a strand of hair from her face.

"I know I cannot kiss you… but I so desperately want to, Anna," he said with a husky voice. Trailing his finger from her hair, to her soft silky cheek and finally to her lips.

She closed her eyes again, taking in his touch. She felt his warm breath against her skin.

Somehow, he was strong enough not to push further, but he couldn't move away from her either. Anna reached for his cheek and caressed him in slow circles to his neck.

John felt something stirring in his pants. It shocked and embarrassed him. Suddenly, he pulled away from her. It pained him to lose the intimate contact he had felt, but he felt he'd gone too far already. He hoped Anna didn't see the bulge that had formed in his trousers. He felt his cheeks redden when he stood up from the blanket.

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry if I have made you uncomfortable…" his mind raced to find an excuse, but he couldn't find anything acceptable.

Anna moved to stand up too, but John held his hand up to stop her. "Please, don't trouble yourself. It's time for me to get back. Have a nice evening," he said hastily before walking away at a fast pace.

The remaining time of the evening, he locked himself into his study, thinking – and dreaming – about his situation. He felt like his emotions blurred his good sense, but he also knew he was head over heels in love. He couldn't stop his feelings from going wild.

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**I'm sorry for not writing more about Anna's feelings. I chose to write this whole story in John's POV because I just wanted it to be a short one. It was just something I had in my head suddenly and didn't want to make it too complicated. **

**If you are a A&B shipper you can guess she's already in love too. But they are in an other situation now; she can't take the lead because he's the Lord of the house.**


	4. Chapter 4

**It's Wednesday! That means: a new chapter! Chapter 4 already, so we're halfway.**

**Thanks to the guest who pointed out Anna should call Mr. Bates 'My lord' or 'Your Lordship.' I never really thought about it while writing. My editor and I aren't from the UK and thus never realized this. If anyone else spots any mistakes, please feel free to PM me! (or for guests: please write it in a review) But please feel free to send your thoughts and opinions too. I really appreciate them and they are a big motivation to continue writing.**

Please enjoy chapter 4.

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John felt like he was about to burst. After years of feeling unhappy, sometimes depressed even, he felt like he had the energy of an eighteen-year-old. Butterflies raced through his body when he thought about Anna beside him.

Reading with her,

Walking with her,

Buying things for her,

Kissing her,

Making love to her,

It was all that was on his mind.

He wanted to go downstairs just to see her, but he knew he couldn't. He also knew he couldn't offer her anything. He didn't want to ruin her or make her lose her position as a housemaid. He couldn't let her get into trouble because of him. And he knew _she_ wouldn't get herself into trouble too. She was a wise woman.

Since their conversation, he had discovered she wasn't a girl anymore. She had grown-up thoughts about life, politics, things she wanted out of life. He couldn't imagine another woman beside him.

He was still in bed, daydreaming about Anna, when she came in. Maids never entered his room, except when they were cleaning, of course. So, he was a bit shocked. Anna carried a tray with his breakfast. He could see she was a bit embarrassed, her cheeks turned pink.

"I'm sorry My lord, Mr. Carson hasn't been feeling well this morning and the two footmen have to take over his business and chores,… so I suggested I would bring you something this morning. I hope that's alright."

John nodded and accepted the tray from her. His hand brushed her fingers.

"Anna,…" he whispered.

She waited for what was to come. "Yes,… your lordship?"

"I don't know what to say…" he said, disappointed in himself. She had occupied his thoughts all night and now he didn't k now what to do.

"You don't have to say anything. I really liked our time together yesterday afternoon, but I don't let my thoughts run wild so easily," she reassured him.

It wasn't what he wanted to say to her, but he thought it best not to mention anything more about the subject.

"I do think you're happier the last few weeks. Maybe it's time to enjoy life a bit more,... do things you always wanted. You told me about your loneliness,... why don't you write to some old friends?" Anna suggested quite forward.

John thought about this for a second. That wasn't such a bad idea. Not at all!

He missed his friends and comrades.

"Thank you Anna. That's a wonderful idea!" he said with enthusiasm. It would take his mind off of her. He needed some time to think.

It was a few days later when John walked into the kitchens downstairs. He scanned the room to see if Anna was there. She was, having a conversation with the cook, sipping her tea. He swallowed, before addressing them.

"Is Mrs. Hughes also around, perhaps?" he started. Both women were startled by his presence. He didn't come downstairs that often, and certainly not without warning.

Mrs. Patmore hurried of to get the housekeeper, which left Anna and Mr. Bates on their own.

He could feel her staring.

"I took your advice," he told her.

"That's great!" she said kindly. But John missed the warmth in her voice. It hurt him more then he expected, the distance between them. He wanted to find out what had happened.

"Are you alright?" he asked and stepped closer.

"Perfectly fine, thank you, your Lordship," she responded before the other women returned. John wasn't convinced and kept looking at her.

"So, what's this then?" the cook asked Lord Bates.

He was shaken out of his thoughts. "Well,…err,… I think this house needs some positive energy back. I decided to have a little house party, so, I will invite some long lost friends. I do believe you organized such events years ago, so I want to ask, if you can help me make the arrangements."

All three women were happily surprised. It had been far too long since there had been a party. Soon all came up with ideas for dishes, flower arrangements and music. They had much fun discussing and talking about the preparations.

It was supposed to be a small party. John had invited about 25 guests. He didn't even know he knew so many people. He looked forward to it. Anna could see it in his smiles. His eyes crinkled more than ever. He found her watching him more than once. He liked that.

Two weeks later, it was the evening of the party. John had bought a new suit to match with his friends. He knew he needed to renew his wardrobe to fit in. He spent a lot of time making sure he looked fine.

Dinner went wonderful. Every dish was a feast for the eyes and taste. The servants did great too, knowing they weren't used serving long dinner parties.

It was late when the men joined the women for a little dance. It was in a room that hadn't been used for more than a decade. Large doors led to a small and secluded garden for people to get some fresh air between dances.

John had only danced once. Most women were taken and he didn't fancy being close to anyone in particular. He walked outside and found a dark spot to sit and watch the scene from afar.

He heard some whispers close by. He recognized them easily. Anna and one of the other maids walked on tiptoes to take a sneak peek through the windows. They hadn't seen him.

"Oh, wouldn't you like to dance to this music, Gwen?" Anna whispered to her friend.

"Yes, I will; in my dreams," Gwen giggled.

"Shhh!" Anna whispered. Together the girls stared to the lovely couples, dancing the night away. They were silent for some minutes.

"I've seen enough, I'll go back before Mrs. Hughes catches us," Gwen giggled some more, before leaving.

Now only Anna was left. John could hear her sigh and didn't think for a moment. He stood up from his seat and walked over to her. She still had her back to him.

Softly he placed a hand on her shoulder and caressed her down her arm, softly grabbing her wrist. He could feel her lean back a little; she just brushed against him with her back.

Still holding her, his other hand reached for her neck. His fingers teased her sensitive but silky skin.

"God, Anna,…" he gasped.

She still didn't say a thing. John turned her around, still holding her wrist and placed his now free hand on her waist. Anna was weak in his arms, so he held her tightly.

"Dance with me," he whispered in her ear. It made her smile against his chest. Slowly he made them move to the music, much slower than the people inside.

"I hate to see you like this. So,… sad, somehow. You're such a bright young woman," he told her.

"I hate to see you like that too; hiding in dark corners," she looked up at him, her lips pressed together in a sweet and playful smile. She was on to him and his habits and she had known that he was there. It warmed him inside, to know she noticed these things and dared to confront him with it.

They kept quiet for some time, until she suddenly mentioned, "I finished the book. I want to thank you again, it was really good. Sad, but good. I loved it."

He held her as close as the dance allowed them and softly squeezed her waist. Her cheek rested against his shoulder.

After that, they both remained silent until the music stopped. John heard his name being called and Anna ran off, back tot the servants' quarters.

.

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**_See you friday!_**


	5. Chapter 5

**A bit shorter, this one. But something has to happen now, don't you agree?**

5.

* * *

He hadn't been in the room for a few weeks, when he entered again. He had tried to avoid the possibilities of meeting.

His eyes fell on the book on the chaise lounge. Anna's book. The bookmarker had disappeared. She had finished it, like she had told him two days before. He didn't know what to do with it. It belonged to her. He had liked to know what she was reading. He liked the fact she carried something close that was partly his. He needed some fresh air and asked Carson to inform the groomsmen to saddle a horse.

He hadn't been riding for ages. In a slow trot, he rode to the small woods close to the estate. He galloped and felt the wind take away his thoughts of Anna. He remembered how he always liked to ride.

In the woods, he let the horse walk again to enjoy the smells of nature. It was starting to turn into autumn and leaves whirled in the wind.

As if it was meant to be, he looked into a sideway of the path. He halted the horse directly. In the small path that crossed his road stood Anna. She took a step back and watched him. She was wearing a cream colored coat and a light blue dress. He was sure blue was her favorite color.

He watched her, looked up the road, and back to her. He towered above her, still sitting on his horse. His mind was racing, but nothing to say came up. She made him speechless.

He nodded and whipped his horse to move again. He had to leave. He felt so awkward, embarrassed even.

She had looked so calm, but almost without emotion. Did she expect nothing from him? Even after the dance? John remembered those few minutes vividly. How she had felt in his arms. How she fitted perfectly against him. How she smelled; a stronger flowery scent from that afternoon they spent together. It was too much for him. He knew he was hurting her too, and he didn't want that. He had promised it to himself. It frustrated him so much. He knew he had to speak with her. He missed their little conversations too, and he was worried about her.

He had waited for more than an hour, before she walked out of the woods. He had suspected her to turn up there.

She noticed him, hesitated a mere second, and continued her walk.

John left his horse near the trees and followed her in a fast pace.

"Anna!" he called. Knowing she had seen him, it made him angry that she kept walking at her normal speed. She didn't even turn around to look.

"Anna!" he called louder, "Stop, please."

Finally, she stopped and turned. She wasn't looking happy.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything just now. I can't seem to think when you're around," he began.

"You don't have to say anything to me Your Lordship, I'm a housemaid," she said kindly, but with a hint of a sob in her voice. Her eyes focused on the ground.

"Anna, I know my behavior must be very confusing. I wish I could be clearer…. But I don't understand my own feelings this time. I try not to think about you, but it is my single occupation these last weeks…. I don't know what to do!" John confessed, feeling scared and vulnerable.

"If you dismiss me Milord, please,…don't let me leave without a reference," Anna begged softly.

"What?" John was shocked. So that was why Anna was so sad and scared? No, he would never think about it! He stepped closer to her and took her face in his hands.

"I could never fire you Anna," he said while caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. He tried to sooth her, but a sob escaped her throat.

"You smart young lady, I could never fire you," he said again. "All I wish is to have you close to me,…"

He could see a weight lifted off her shoulders. A sparkle returned into her eyes.

Then he whispered, "…As close as I can have you."

Before he could think, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her. He softly kissed her temple and from there on he peppered her face with slow, just brushes of kisses, until he found her lips.

Anna felt weak in his arms, but she held on to the fabric of his shirt. He kissed her softly. He kissed her hard. It wasn't long before his tongue caressed hers. They kissed passionately and held on to each other for a long time, until Anna broke them apart.

"We have to get back," she tried to say between kisses. "Mrs. Hughes expects me back before dinner."

"I want to hold you forever," he told her.

"What will happen between us, My Lord?" Anna asked him. She had every right to ask.

"I don't know Anna; I have to think about it." He caressed her cheek lovingly and continued, "I don't know how it will reflect on me if I…. well,… if I marry a housemaid."

Suddenly Anna's face turned white. She stepped back. "Of course, My Lord, you are right… of course." She stepped back further. "I know I can't expect anything like that…," she swallowed visibly. "I'll see you at the house, then."

Abruptly she turned away and walked off.

He realized he had made a mistake, again. "Anna!" he shouted. "_Please don't leave", _he added in his thoughts.

"I didn't mean it like that, we have to think about how,…."

But she was too far to hear anything.

_Oh, you just ruined it again John!_ _How could you say such a thing?!_ He thought to himself when he walked back to get his horse.

He pondered over his own words; _Yes, she's a housemaid_. _But, I'm not even worth her._

* * *

**_Oh, stupid John! He can't think straight when Anna is around._**

**_I'm curious what you think... will he do something about it?! ;-)_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry, a day to late! **

**I discussed writing more chapters with my editor, Lalizi. I might going to try it, but I won't be able to post it directly after chapter 7.**

**until then, enjoy chapter 6.**

* * *

John locked himself in Vera's old sitting room when he got back to the house. It started to get dark and he didn't bother to light the fire or any of the lamps. He just sat in the darkness.

Again, images of Anna raced through his mind - the hurt on her face when she had left him only an hour ago. The taste of her mouth still lingered in his. He desperately needed that again. He was sure now. She had given him reason to live again.

The thought of her broken heart haunted him, ripped him apart. How could he have hurt that sweet young woman, who never asked anything of him? It made him so angry, he took one of Vera's small sculptures and threw it against the wall. It shattered in thousands little pieces with a loud bang.

It didn't take long before other pieces followed. All the sculptures he hated, everything of Vera he hated. Thoughts ran through his mind: Had Anna only been older, had he met her before, things could have gone so differently. She was the direct opposite of Vera -everything he wanted and needed in his life in one beautiful person. Anna - a housemaid. He sat down against a ruined wall with his hands in his hair.

Not long after this tantrum, Mrs. Hughes entered the room. He heard her taking in a deep breath.

"Your Lordship,… I know this is probably not the right time,… but one of the housemaids decided to leave instantly, due to personal matters,… and she wants to know if you can send her a reference."

To make it worse, she continued; "You probably don't know her very well, but she's such a nice and loyal girl and I'm sad to see her leave. I think she deserves a good place somewhere."

John sat on a chair in the darkest corner of the room. It felt like he couldn't breathe anymore.

Mrs. Hughes didn't leave directly. "Can I do anything to help, My Lord?" she asked with a soft voice.

He never answered Mrs. Hughes; he just stared around the room, watching the mess he'd made. He felt useless.

The Housekeeper closed the door behind her.

It was only a few minutes later when there was another knock on the door.

His head jumped up when he heard her voice.

"I'm afraid I'm the cause of this…"

He smiled slightly. "No Anna. I am."

"Why are you hurting yourself like this?" she wondered out loud.

"Because I can't seem to stop ruining people's lives." He responded quickly, a bit angrier then he meant.

"I wish you would allow yourself to be happy," she continued the conversation.

"I wish I didn't hurt people. Nice, kind and loving people like you,… Anna."

This silenced her for a while, until she told him, "You hurt me more, by hurting yourself. I want to see you happy My Lord."

John nodded at this.

Anna spoke again. "I know you don't want to dismiss me Milord, so I decided to leave myself. I see I'm not doing you any good… I'm confusing you,… and I haven't been able to concentrate on my work lately. I hope you understand… and I hope you wish me the best for the future too. Mrs. Hughes knows where to send my reference too, if you'd still like to write that for me.

John looked at her intently, not believing she was really about to leave. He knew he had to do something to stop her from leaving, but it was like someone tried to choke him.

"So, this is good bye then…. All the best to you, My Lord," she said sadly, her voice still soft and warm.

"Good bye," was what he was able to get out of his mouth, while his heart screamed for her to stay.

A sob escaped him when he heard her steps fading in the corridor.

* * *

It was two days later. John was devastated. He couldn't have anyone around him. Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson were the only ones who he allowed near him.

Mrs. Hughes couldn't stand it anymore and started, "I don't know what brought this on, but it's time for you to get up and do something about it! I'm sorry if I speak out of turn, but I can't see you suffer any longer! Life hasn't been kind, but you have to fight for it!"

Softly she muttered too, "It's hard enough already, without Anna downstairs,…"

John hadn't been listening to the woman at all, until he heard _her_ name.

"I wrote her a reference, like she asked of me… Mrs. Hughes" he suddenly spoke. It surprised the woman visibly. It made her frown.

"Well, I can bring it to the post office this afternoon, if you like?" she offered nicely.

"No, please just write down her address. Some fresh air will do me good. I can post it myself."

"If you would like, My Lord."

* * *

John had ordered the car around to bring him into the village. They halted before the post office, but somehow, he could not leave the car. He stared at the address. She was there and he probably would never see, talk, or correspond with her again. He shivered.

John hesitated. The chauffeur raised his eyebrows.

After a few glances back and forth, John asked the man, "Branson, would you know where to find this address?"

Tom Branson took a look for one second and smiled. "Yes Your Lordship, it's not that far…. About half an hour away, I think."

"Fine," this made John very nervous, but he already decided that it was worth a go. Mrs. Hughes was right; he had to fight for his happiness…. And Anna's too!"

"Let's go then," he smiled to the chauffeur.

* * *

**yaaaay, he's going after her!**


	7. Chapter 7

**We reached the final chapter (for now)! I hope you all liked this little story. Thanks so much for the follows an reviews! **

**I'm still thinking of continuing, but I have to take some time to write. I hope to be back with some more in a few weeks. In the mean time I'm trying to finish another (I think even better) story... so be sure you hear from me again!**

**xxx**

7.

* * *

They had to search a little, but arrived at a small cottage about forty minutes later. It was just outside a small village. The chauffeur parked the car just a bit further, to give John some privacy.

John knocked at the door. He didn't have to wait long before an elderly woman opened it.

"Hello, how can I help you Sir?" the woman asked kindly.

"Good day,… I'm looking for Anna…. Anna Smith? She left this address when she left Downton Abbey." He hoped she was around.

"Ah,.. well, come on in and have some tea with me. Anna will be here soon. I've sent her out for some groceries. I hoped some fresh air would do her good. She's a bit out of sorts since she's been back here."

They both sat down at the kitchen table. He discovered the woman was her old neighbor who had taken care of Anna before. She had nothing but kind words about Anna and told him that she'd been surprised when she had suddenly returned.

He didn't think the woman knew the real reason of her sudden decision.

It was not much later when the door cracked and Anna entered with a basket on her arm. She was wearing simple dress and her hair in a loose bun. It was a bit messy, but he liked it.

He didn't like the pale color of her skin.

John could see she took a deep breath out of surprise and didn't know what to do. She just stared at him.

"Hello Anna," he smiled, happy to see her.

"Hello Your Lordship," Anna replied with a faint smile, not knowing where to look now.

"I shall leave you two alone." The woman winked at John and left the room.

Anna placed the basket on the kitchen table.

John got up from his chair and walked towards her.

"I hope you have not been feeling as miserable as I have, the last two days," he told her.

"I'm afraid I have, My Lord," her eyes sparkled at him. He noticed some color returned to her silky skin.

"Please call me John from now on Anna."

"But…My Lord,.." Anna tried to argue.

"Shhh,…" he whispered, taking her hand in his.

He continued, "I've thought about this way too long. I have known my feelings from the first time we met… and it has taken me long enough to accept them. I know I haven't been easy on you, but I beg you to end my struggle. I know you to be the kindest, smartest, softest… - he caressed her cheek – most patient, … most beautiful, … most wise woman of my acquaintance... I want to make you the happiest too. I will do everything in my power to make this my life goal…. If you accept me."

He could see the tears that had formed in her eyes.

"But I'm still a housemaid," she affirmed, reminding him of their situation.

"Maybe,… but you're also so much more than that. I never felt as equal with someone. In thinking, in our conversations... we can make each other happy."

Anna stepped even closer and looked straight at him, "I know you so little, but I couldn't be more certain."

She smiled, and before he knew it, she had closed the distance between them and her lips were on his.

He kissed her softly, thinking only of her needs, instead of his. He caressed her back, her bottom, the swell of her breast. Anna started groaning softly at his touches. It turned him on terribly.

Her hands wandered over his body too and it made Anna giggle softly. He already loved that sound and smiled against her lips. His hand reached for her neck and ran through her soft hair.

Through their movement, Anna's bun loosened completely. Her hair fell down at her shoulders. John had fantasized about this a lot. Again, he brushed his fingers through the silky strands of hair. He hugged her tight and then stepped away to have a look at her.

"You're breathtaking Anna," he said with a husky voice. This made her smile.

"I can't wait to have you with me at Downton," he whispered before he kissed her again.

* * *

**Maybe Call the Midwife fans spotted a line from Sister Bernadette? ;-)**

**xoxoxox**


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